


Panel 49

by Khriskin



Category: X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-25
Updated: 2013-01-25
Packaged: 2017-11-26 19:50:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/653814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khriskin/pseuds/Khriskin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I have no excuses for this bit of silliness-- I will just point out that alt.comics.fan-fiction was a very VERY silly place in the mid-90's. ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Panel 49

Once I was a Fanboy, with dreams of something more.  
With super-powered fantasies in which I'd finally score.  
(And send the X-babes swooning, at least by Panel 4!)

I'd rid the Earth of villains on a minor Godly whim.  
I'd clone a super-sidekick and then save the world from _him_  
(My life would be so wonderful, if I could just get in!)

I knew every in-joke, every reference, every line.  
I'd quote the Summer's family tree, each branch, each leaf, each vine.  
(If only I could _tell_ them, it would save us so much time!)

Then one day the phone rang, it was Marvel in my ear.  
They sent my spirit soaring as they wiped away my fears.  
(Reality was distant as I planned my new career.)

I packed my bags, I told my mom, I hopped aboard the plane.  
I dreamed of all the babes I'd meet, I thought up new codenames.  
(It wasn't _all_ my fault, you see, I'd X-men on the brain!)

Then somewhere over Jersey we transferred realities .  
There's nothing so disturbing as converting to 2-D!  
(The penciller was horrid, I just _couldn't_ have been me!)

I grew three feet, my hair turned white, my eyes a horrid green.  
What happened to the blue-eyed blonde, my silent Southern dream?  
(My first hint that 'Ole Marvel really _wasn't_ what it seemed...)

And when I met the X-men it was no heart-warming sight.  
The X-babes that I'd longed for were just looking for a fight!  
(That second hint awoke my fears that something was not right...)

The writer spewed a list of crimes, to rival any foe's.  
The penciler betrayed me and I struck a pointless pose.  
(The inker also hated me, I think he lost my nose!)

The X-babes moved to take me down, though not as I had wished.  
My God-like powers were missing and my lightning bolts all missed.  
(By now we were passed panel 4, and I had not been kissed!)

The fight was short, the plot was thin, the holes could hide a bus.  
My cameo was over and the girls were hardly mussed.  
(I stormed off panel angrily and raised a mighty fuss.)

And there below the fine print, where I had duly signed.  
Was the very _very_ fine print where my contract was defined.  
(I knew my life was over when I hit the sub-clause 'rhymed'.)

I'd signed away my sense of pride, I'd given up my soul.  
And now I'm just an extra filling in those minor roles.  
(The Innocent Bystander, Next-door Neighbor, all of those)

This warning I have written in the margins of this page.  
In hopes that you will read it, being FanBoy's of your age.  
(And with this tiny message, hope some other souls to save)

Oh yes, Once I was a Fanboy with dreams so sweet and fine,  
But now I'm just the extra, down in Panel 49.  
(So never trust in Marvel, 'cause there're panels next to mine!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
This message has been provided by the FanBoy Protection Agency


End file.
